HYT

10 days.

2012-01-27T03:19:00.005+08:00

cool breezy night ain't it mates? 10 days has pass since i've written something in this misty space. and little did i thought that in a timeline of 10 days, so many things could happen. i spent the last week with many different group of friends. some i did the usual hangout routine with while others whom i haven't seen for a while, we did a bit of catching up. i must say that life stops for no one even when you feel like you're stuck or glued at a certain spot.

i had the privilege to sail on a beautiful yacht with my family. the beautiful scenery and double rainbow i saw that evening is still vivid in my head. i met the prologue girls after so long- we had dinner and catching-up talks. my date with michelle kim allan was fun- we catch a movie, had good korean dinner and spent the night talking about everything and anything. on other days, i was working at fidgets doing back to back party and sitting at the reception welcoming little eager kids with a poker face. the second day of chinese new year was spent gathering at kinnam's house. we had steamboat and an evening lazing around. other casual non-working days was either spent with the old bunch of friends- asriq, ahmad and kacey or the people i'm closest with now- glenn, shreeya and enza. :) i baby-sit my aunt's bunny while she was away to chennai for 3 nights. it's been pretty pack with planned plans or impromptu meet-ups. but either or, i'm so glad i'm surrounded by beautiful souls. 10 days, yeah that's my ten days agenda for you though two days back i was shot with the most heart-wrenching piece of news that has stolen away my sleep and disturbing my peace of mind. :'( i hope that no matter what that particular person stay strong and keep the faith. i felt useless cause there's nothing i could do to help but only stay by his side and make him believe.

finally, i've got zero plan tomorrow. spending it bumming around at home sounds like a splendid plan :)

- - - - - -

2012-01-17T20:12:00.004+08:00

this space needs attention. i am hungry at the moment and lying flat on the tummy ain't helping to decrease the amplified growling of my stomach. it's a brand new week and it has been spent lazily at home. 16th day of 2012, so what's new? honestly the new year hasn't really felt new or fresh at all. everything seems stagnant and life hasn't change a bit. i'm bored.

i met up with my secondary school clique two days back and i am glad the comfort and vibe is still the same though one of two may have lost their soul somewhere and became dull. we're all growing up apart but the fact that none of us really have change much is comforting. i have the sudden crave of cheese fries at the moment and i am salivating at the thought of eating it. argh. i've got an iphone passed down by my cousin and joining the world of whatsapp is fun. i'm not boasting but i really think my friends love my presence in that cyber world. hahaha! on a side note, working at fidget is still fun though at times kids can be the biggest annoying fucks in the world, i still enjoy hosting their birthday party and stuffing my face with party food and cakes. :) i miss a lot of people at the moment because i just filtered my facebook tagged photos. i come to realize that it's been a while since i heard from a certain group of friends. i miss fatty, illya, june, joan and many more. i need to learn to constantly stay in touch with people. okay i need to get change and head over to my cousin's. hope this week gets better.

mucus

2012-01-09T02:16:00.004+08:00

just took three tablespoon of the cough syrup and a couple of colorful tablets to soothe my pain. i am not helping myself. i took medicine when i feel like it and that is the clear reason why after a damn week, i am still in the same state- coughing my organs out.

new week is beginning but all i see in front of me is a mist of uncertainty. once again, here it comes-i'm feeling empty. i'm bored of everything. my emotions are in a mess and i chose to brush it aside and ignore feelings that are meant to be mend. this crazy whirl of emotions temporarily fade into thin air and then slowly creep back inside me, killing me. i watch machines drove pass by and highway lights smeared into a beautiful piece of art. i'm tired and its only the 9th day of 2012. randomly changing topic, my trip to malacca on the 3rd and 4th this week was amazing. i wish i grew up in that environment. the first whiff of the morning breeze is so refreshing and i would not trade anything for the view of the altitudes and mountains. i don't know if it's just me, but even the sky seems nicer there. i'm bored of living in this urbanized island you call home. people rushes to everywhere, time ticks past like a bomb machine and just across the borders, life in malacca, so serene and calm. what a beauty. simplicity at its best.

MOTH

2012-01-06T03:51:00.001+08:00

I can't understand people who get too overwhelmed with emotions. I met so many people and everyone just bound to get too clingy. I believe in moving on even with something that never fails. I believe in living a free life without getting attach to anything at all and this include mere relationship like friendship. This has been the way I lived my life. Getting attach to anything will bound to break your heart. I hate messy situations. Often I escape swiftly. Goodbye is easy peasy stuff for me. What I should do is maybe learn to stay instead of walking away. Getting attach might not be a hassle. Maybe just maybe? But again, is there anything worth to stay for? Because at the end of the day, solitude is my game.

I hate flashbacks. Passing by places that holds deep memories just triggered my heart and I feel nauseous. I can easily scrape feelings and memories away. Though I realize I still somehow do have feelings for one particular kind of a being. And trust me, I hate it.

Standing Ovation: 2011

2012-01-01T03:38:00.004+08:00

Here I am under the starless night closing on 2011's chapter. It's past midnight and i got to get use to using the term "last year." 2011 was an eventful year for me. I started school, i met new people, i did things i told my old friends i would never. Things have change around me and as much as i hate to say it- i've change to a certain extent. even though i am still the same person personality wise, i feel much wiser and more open-minded. I was expose to many things i thought i would not ever live to see or try. I met amazing people who i'd be keeping for life. i learn to live in the moment and live my life on a day to day basis. there's too many favourite events for me to list down and of course there are many other episodes that i am still clueless to why it happen or why i did it. i've decided not to pen down my resolution this year. i shall still live in the moment. :) i do believe that after all that happened, i am still the same obstinate girl who believe in my own statement and judgement, the girl who's a comfort figure in people's life and the girl who's still afraid to love. whatever that i fear, i wish to eliminate them some time in the future. i would not give it a time or duration but for sure, i'd get rid of them. at the moment, i see a vague future in front of me and i shall walk down the misty path bravely. i am thankful for 2011 for it's a year that i would remember for long. 2011 was beautiful. <3

i opened 2012 with asriq and kangchun and i am glad i did. they are friends i know the longest and as much as we all change in person, we just live to accept anything in each other. i am glad i have good friends that know me for long. even though i am pretty much very discreet in things i do, i know they will still be there when boredom strikes. 2012, whatever you have in line for me, i'd accept it with open arms. :)

tumblr

2011-12-29T02:58:00.003+08:00

this is a screen shot of my tumblr reblog post for the past couple of day. i've made it into my desktop wallpaper. tumblr is an awesome site. the creator is a genius and i am so reliant on it. you know there are just some things that you can't find any words to describe or your vocab aren't vast enough, but in tumblr you'd find them in form of images, short poetry or excerpts from books. my tumblr often speak words that i lock deep inside or simply random thoughts that whirl in my head. one special thing about tumblr is, you'll feel that you're not alone facing certain emotions or problems because many thousand others have felt or are feeling the same too. the images are photography are really beautiful and there's so many different form of art exposed. often, my reblogs are of something i can totally relate. :)

http://turnandburn.tumblr.com

sappy

2011-12-21T17:52:00.001+08:00

weary, lethargic, worn-out- synonyms that hits my every aching muscles. its only 11pm but i am going to hit the sack soon. i've got work tomorrow because i want to. well, i was not scheduled to but i told the boss i was free so i'm reporting for work instead. i've got a cousin wedding to attend at night which i dread so much. it's all the way at bedok oh lord! and i can't remember ever talking to this cousin. 2011 is coming to an end and i feel nothing at all.

i'm whirled with several emotions everyday. some day i feel like i miss someone, other days i just want to be alone on bed and sprawling across the sheets. life is pretty stagnant and work is occupying my time and also refraining meself from meeting my friends. i am flat-broke and i'm dying to shop for new cloths. i am also in need of a getaway, anywhere. just out of this flat, out of this estate, out of this country please. sometimes i think i'm just a sad person pretending to be all jovial and positive about life. deep down i'm just a wreck and a mess, it's just that i have enough courage to mask up all these weakling feelings and march on like i own the world. i might just turn mad sooner or later. i enjoy getting caught up in my friend's drama and i on the other hand totally ignore my own drama. i need to feel something, anything. truth is, i think my heart has turned into a stone. maybe i'm babbling too much because i'm just lethargic. but maybe not, maybe i really need to stand at the top of the pinnacle and shout my lungs out. i lay in bed awake listening to music, letting the lyrics hit my eardrums, and allowing the brain to absorb sappy lyrics. i'm gone. .

bam, right on.

2011-12-18T02:15:00.000+08:00

FIDGET

2011-12-15T02:45:00.002+08:00

can you believe it? i just got home from a night drive with ahmad hidayat ariff. :) he haven't got a certified license and so we felt like a rebel steering down the highways. it was fun and it has been something i always wanted to do- a random night drive with a good pal. we wind down the window and enjoyed the breeze. i really can't wait for him to pass his license officially and be a certified driver so we can have crazy roadtrips and just random night drive like this.

my life has been stagnant so far. i have been diligently working and i love the job. party hosting for kid's birthday and fidget altogether is such a happy place. kids come to play and have fun in the playground and i had a crazy time crawling into tunnels and sliding down into the ball pool. its a place where everyone is smiling with joy. my colleagues are a fun bunch too. i meet really cute kids and thats edward and emily in the last photo. really beautiful littles ones. i have work tomorrow or better phrase- later at 9am. trying to lie to my boss about sending my brother off to brunei so that i can leave earlier to meet shreeya, glenn and enza. its down to the four of us when it comes to hanging out. we're always over at enza's condo just slacking, singing and watching movies. we sleepover and wore baggy pyjamas (without knickers) and woke up to each other's groggy faces. it's amazing we got this comfortable. i ought to head to bed now cause its 3am. goodnight.

KATA

2011-12-08T23:34:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I think all I need is a dick to be a man. I should be feeling guilty or stupid at this point of time but I don't feel a thing. Deals after deals. Pinky promises after pinky promises- all smashed into smithereens. It was in the moment but how many more moments like this should happen because it's so wrong and weird. No butterflies nor flutters but just bunch of unwanted "in the moment" passion and heat. No doubt I won't deny it's a nice and a good feeling but slowly as I land back into the reality ground, it's obviously wrong. I mean who does these when you have absolute zero feelings of emotional attraction? Im no slag or slut.

I wonder if my heart's functioning or it's just a hollow artery in there. I just wish I could be more girlish and fragile and just feel more emotions. Sometimes I wonder why feelings fade away into thin air without me realizing it. And trust me pal, timing can be a total bitch.

Saigo no Iwake

2011-12-06T01:51:00.001+08:00

It’s so painful pretending to be asleep now
The drops that fall are tears
And you’ll wait for the dawn and then go
Because it’s you who’s afraid of the dark

The thing that’s most precious to me has become the furthest away
I knew you so well, and now it’s all a memory

I think everyone likes you
I’ll miss you, you don’t need to worry about that
What makes it so painful
Is the fact that you think you’re doing me a favour by saying goodbye

You’re the closest to me, and yet the hardest to understand
I loved you so much, and now it’s all an excuse

The thing that’s most precious to me has become the furthest away
I knew you so well, and now it’s all a memory

It’s all a memory

You’re the closest to me, and yet the hardest to understand
I loved you so much, and now it’s all an excuse

The thing that’s most precious to me has become the furthest away
You’re the closest to me, and yet the hardest to understand
The thing that’s most precious to me has become the furthest away

oh hello december

2011-12-04T01:27:00.004+08:00

3rd December- so it's been a month since i sat at pigeonhole writing about life. i started the wrecked journal of mine on the 3rd of November. A month just went by like that.. swoosh. it's appalling. on a happy note, work has been fun so far and i'm really starting to appreciate the existence of little children. fidget is such a happy place to work in. children's laughter and happiness are so contagious. i caught myself smiling when i observe their actions and expression. i'm working tomorrow and there's a party for me to host so yeah i should really head to bed and snooze my way to tomorrow morning. i'm currently filtering my itunes and downloading new songs and i'm ought to hit the sack so goodnight.

#cyprus

2011-11-27T00:56:00.002+08:00

i finally got hired for a part-time job and it is again something i've always wanted to do- a party host! :) i'll be working in a kids indoor playground that organizes birthday events too. i'm starting tomorrow and another best part is the location, BUKIT TIMAH LADS! :D i am never fond of little kids but i hope this change my perception. i might just be the best mum out there. hahaha.

i had an awesome weekend again! i broke my clubbing virginity yesterday with the cousin. we went to home club. they play indie music and it's where i belong. :) the music was awesome and we just sat there bobbing our head and swaying to the music. i slept over at my cousin's after we arrived home which was nearly 6am. undressed, teleport into our pyjamas and tuck in. it was fun and today we went to watch breaking dawn at great world city which was a good laugh for me. i have always been one of those people who make a mockery out of the twilight saga so today, again i made fun of the movie. i met my great great friends at cuscaden in the evening and we had a few drinks and patio wings. it was nice because we were all high from alcohol and we made future plans together. i never feel like going home when i'm out with them because they are my idea of home. right now, my back is aching like a bitch and i feel uncomfortable sitting or even lying down. i should head to bed soon because i'm working tomorrow. have a great week ahead robots.

High Flying Birds.

2011-11-24T23:45:00.002+08:00

3 straight days of seeing the best pal in my life. i went to suicide valley on tuesday with enza and glenn because my B2, shreeya was over at philippines. suicide valley is this discreet place you can sit down and its overlooks the highway. so you have the three of us dangling our feets and singing emotional songs. we had good conversation as always but the place was amazing and to be high up somewhere is beautiful. they say you should be high up to let your mind and problems drift away and at that particular moment, it kinda work for me. if only singapore's night sky is filled with million of stars.. then gazing at them while perching at the top of the highway signboard would be beyond perfect.

we slept over at enza's yesterday to welcome shreeya back to singapore and also it's been a while since we pull an all nighter. we scrap swimming because of the weather so all we did was bum around in pyjamas, watching videos, getting high and roll around. it was nice and just the way we like to spend our time. i turn in at 4-ish in the morning. i curled myself into a ball because the aircon was so cold and i was freezing even with my sweater on. my head was spinning and in a snap, i was in a different universe and elephant gun was the soundtrack. no doubt it's an amazing feeling. i don't know how and when it happened but my body clock is improving so tremendously. i would automatically wake up in the morning. and today i was the first to get up at 9am. enza was leaving to bali so we head out at 2pm. we all complain and whine how time flies so fast when all we could remember was looking at the clock the day before and it was only 730pm. i guess when your company is awesome, time flew like high flying birds.

put your hands up 20112011

2011-11-21T12:12:00.003+08:00

i got 2 free tickets to 2pm concert and my cousin was suppose to go with me but i got ditch so i asked asriq to come with me. my kpop fangirl days was long over and my intention of going there was to be crazy, laugh at people and scream my lungs out- and i did all three. we met denise at the stadium before separating into our designated seats. asriq and i had so much fun just being all loud and dancing randomly. i knew some of the lyrics to 2pm song so i sang along, even when i don't know the lyrics, i made them up on the spot! it was great and i really had fun. 2pm did a lot of interactions with the audience and they are really talented. i was really amazed at their singing talent. i mean those pretty boys can really sing live!! we met kangchun and ahmad after that and slacked all the way to the wee hours. we were doing our usual routine but when the clock struck midnight it was 20/11/2011 and well so uhmm, it was my 19th birthday. i kind of force them to get me a slice of cheesecake to make me feel like someone who's celebrating her birthday. hahahaha. but i was so grateful that i have these 3 boys to celebrate the first second of my 19th birthday. i walked back home from ahmad's crib at 530am in the morning. listening to nice indie music, i walked home in silence finding answers to many questions in my head.

i stay awake on laptop and did the usual facebook, twitter, youtube cycle and only went to bed at noon. so there i was sleeping my birthday away ignoring the my phone vibrating a million time. i woke up at midnight and just like that, my birthday was gone. i knew if i were to wake up earlier or stay up the whole day, my mood would be ruin and i will be sad so i choose to sleep, to sleep it all away. my phone was filled with missed calls and text. i had fun at 2pm concert and with ahmad, asriq and kc but once i step back home i was back to square one. sleep was the only solution to escape. so well, i'm finally 19 and i still feel the same. what's new?

One day

2011-11-18T04:40:00.004+08:00

She lay in bed all night watching the colours change

She lay in bed all night watching the morning change
She lay in bed all night watching the morning change into green and gold
The doctor told her years ago that she was ill
The doctor told her years ago to take a pill
The doctor told her years ago that she'd go blind if she wasn't careful

an excerpt from the song "beautiful" by belle and sebastian. it's a lovely song about a slightly mental girl and i can totally relate to this particular part. two more days to my birthday and i feel shittier than ever. i have not made the attempt to find a job and my phone is put on termination for a while because i've got no dough to pay the bills. i slept too much or not sleep at all. i go to sleep wishing i would not wake up at all because i'm lost and clueless of what to do when i'm conscious. oh whatever, i need to start standing on my two feet again. this will pass, this will..

on a random note, i just finish watching one day starring jim sturgess and anne hathaway. its a film adapted from the book written by david nicholls. i read the book about a year ago and i remember loving it so much. the movie was really beautiful and i love paris where most scenes were shot. the one of many things i learnt from this movie is that you'll never actually know that the person you always want is right there in front of your eyes. i don't know how i really feel about the term "soul-mate" i guess i'll only understand the true meaning when i actually find someone. and one more thing, do you miss me?

‎"whatever happens tomorrow, we had today, i'll always remember that." -Emma Morley, One Day

(i shall live by this quote)

libertango

2011-11-14T03:03:00.005+08:00

its 3:30am and i'm sprawling across in the living room with my brother who's texting his girlfriend on my left. so apparently, he wants me to meet her soon. god! honestly i cannot be bothered with this whole melayu system where you bring your girlfriend to meet your family members. dude~ i don't care who you're seeing. okay wait, now he's questioning me if i've got boyfriend. oh my god. i hate this conversation and where it's leading. :/ blah blah blah yada yada.

this weekend was spent splendidly. i finally got back volunteering with the SPCA and burn the whole saturday night with kacey, asriq and ahmad. it's been a while since we had this combo in a meetup. we didn't plan to pull an all nighter at fort canning but everything was done on impulse- the way i like it. it was fun as we reminisce the old days in secondary school. i had a ball of time laughing! there was so many episodes of embarrassing memories. i was glad i manage to share my (present) dramatic life story to ahmad and of course i manage to forget some stuff at the moment while having fun. i have the sudden passion to start playing the french horn again. i was in the main band when i was playing with NIE! why did i throw it all away! god where did it all go? when will i learn to be committed into something? what a failure! :( oh did i tell you i really want to learn playing the ukelele?

pandora

2011-11-10T08:13:00.002+08:00

8:14am and yes you are right! i have not had any eye shut yet. haven't seen the sun for a while now because of my screwy body clock that i chose to adapt to. i watch"its kind of a funny story" last night and i really like it. :) i love how the whole movie is filmed. the plot was good- no doubt because it was adapted from a book. i had a good talk with glenn and i actually poured out a whole lot of chunk from my mind. i finally explained to him that my gloomy days has nothing to do with syazwan's personality "rubbed" on me. and he finally perceive things in another way, my way. i had a good talk with asriq too apparently. it's good that i'm finally opening my pandora box to spread my dark confetti all around. should i go to bed or just stay up all the way? i haven't skip sleep for some time now.

i have a messy wardrobe to clear. instead of cleaning them, cloths are piling on my bed. hahaha. i should really put the laptop aside and fold my stuff nicely. what needs to be hang, has to be hang. and as for you mr. passing cloud101, we shall see where this leads. it's not bothering me... i think

Cough syrup

2011-11-09T05:30:00.001+08:00

It's 5am in the morning and I'm fighting a war- a battle against insomnia. I tried to turn in at 2am but all I did was fidget, roll and turn around on bed. I'm listening to Nathan Hartono's cover of young the giant song titled cough syrup. He did a miraculously awesome job at covering this track. I'm putting his cover on repeat at the moment. "losing my mind.. losing my mind.. losing control" a particular excerpt from the song that I can totally relate. :/

I am going to please my parents and stay home for the next few days. They have been very annoyed at the fact that ONE: I'm always home late or TWO: I'm never home at all. I don't feel guilty though for I know that I'm not doing anything foolish like getting myself impregnated or something. My parents kinda suspected that I have a boyfriend which is pretty amusing to me. Why would I trouble myself with a guy by my side and be all tied down in a commitment. This just shows that they don't know their daughter well enough (at all) On a happy note, tappy is back from India. He gave us a pleasant surprise just now and I was for the first time really surprised and so happy! (: I send a message to "sky" which is stupid because I told myself that I should not. I don't really regret it though or wish I didn't press the send button. I don't know man. He's on my mind all the time like seriously fuck off man. I should totally close my eyes and try to sleep now. Have a good day folks!

Fast Forward 

2011-11-08T05:23:00.001+08:00

Its 5am and I'm lying wide awake on my bed. Listening to Jason mraz's beautiful mess which kind of fit in with my mood for this couple of days. I'll never get sick of this song cause it speaks to me in such a special way. "A beautiful mess" I think this song is written for me! Hahahaha. I think there's too much caffeine in my vein. I drank 2-3 cups of coffee each day and as deceiving as it may seems, I'm eating lesser and lesser. I am really afraid. I felt too empty at the moment.

Have you miss someone that it comes to a point of frustration? I don't know why I always ends up frustrated when I'm sad or mad. It scares me how brutally empty I am. I can't seem to cry for nuts. I am sure I'll feel so much better if i could cry and weep everything out like a little girl but the problem is I can't seems to! I feel like an empty well, all dried up and whirly vines are crawling all over me- leaving me to choke to death. I need timeout from everything. And through it all, I fucking miss you.

sadness > joy

2011-11-06T21:25:00.002+08:00

you know they always say do not be too happy because you'll never know what's up in line after all the joy. i had an amazing weekend. on friday i hang out with my cousin and her friend. i had good food, nice coffee and drank two pines of beer while enjoying the live band in timbre. it was crazy and i slept over at enza's condo with glenn and shreeya. we hanged out and head to bed near 4am. the sleeping arrangement was created without my knowledge and it happened again. but thankfully, we both know it was for the moment and just for the fun of it. i excused myself at 5am while the others was asleep. i went out to write something on my wrecked journal while listening to some music. i went to creep in back into bed and slept. we all woke up at 2pm and i got gazillion missed calls on my phone. had plans with my cousin and saiful that afternoon so he fetched me at UE square and we head over to my cousin's. had awesome food and head out to fetch gene and went to marina promenade for what seems like a very fail gig. as much as i want to support local music, yesterday's lineup was bullshit. so the four of us sat there on the grass with a mat and played card games. we left for supper and then went to watch "in time" at plaza sing and oh boy does the movie sucks! ):

i slept over my cousin's and watch "something borrowed" alone while she snooze off into dreamland. i turned in at almost 6am after sending off a very sarcastic one-line facebook message to "him" i swore that would be the last time i'm going to try. anyway today my tummy is filled with good awesome food cause it's hari raya haji. besides eating, all i did was sleeping. hahaha. i need to rebuilt my life cause it feels like a total mess right now. where i'm heading from now onwards. what's my plan for the future to come. i just opened my school mail to find out i fail my supp paper examination and so i have to re-module the accounting course. i need to really take one day off and write on a blank piece of paper of whats my plan. i don't know myself anymore. it feels like i'm lost. where did the lively crazy bitch run off to. here i am all lost, pessimistic, heavy with eyebags and clueless of what to do. where is the me who always know how to stand up after falling and scraping my knees. help me find her. :(

scream

2011-11-04T03:05:00.002+08:00

just posted an album of twelve crazy photos of me in facebook. crazy photos like this and there's a message to retrieve. i swear i'm having a mild concussion after so much headbanging at 3am in the morning. i had fun though. can't believe i privatized this blog of mine. so hello to asriq, denise, ahmad and kacey- the only 4 people who have access to read this space. the reason why i was trying to be a ninja secretive is.. wait, i don't really have a reason. i'm heading to timbre with my cousin and saiful tomorrow and i'm staying over at enza's with shreeya and glenn. wonder what on earth is gonna happen tomorrow. i hope nothing intense. :/ i am too restless to watch a movie right now. i can't sit still and watch. yesterday i took more than 5 hours to finish the thai movie, suckseed, because i kept pausing and rolling around instead of focusing for 2 hours. i am getting a little hungry right now. what's new?

FUCKFACE WHERE ARE YOU. );

Kata-katain

2011-11-03T04:31:00.004+08:00

And timing can be a bitch- Robin Scherbatsky

i broke someone's heart so terribly that making up to him does not seem adequate enough. you know having an ideal guy is all a lie because when one came up to you and your feelings does not reciprocate, it all come to a pointless end. because at the end of the day, feelings is what that matters and love is blind after all.

its true i called you because of the guilt that is engulfing my heart. i am trying to make things better but you are too hurt to accept any words that i try to say because it all comes down to me messing up with your emotions. i am sorry, i really am because i acted without thinking. i should have held myself together rather than going with the flow. it was selfish of me and i was doing everything without having the slightest feeling towards you. it have never cross my mind that i would hurt you so badly. i don't blame you for bringing it up every time we talked. from now onwards, i will try my best to patch up the torn and tattered pieces. i'm so fucked up. why am i playing the guy all the time. i need to man down.

--------

on a side note, i miss you so much. i don't know why. it felt so empty today because we didn't do our usual routine. is anything wrong? i felt so lost. there was so much i wanted to say or we can both drown in silence and sleep on each other like we always do. i want to hear your breath slowly settle through the phone and sleep off to the symphony of you breathing. but yet again, this distant is probably healthy because i don't want to be falling for you- even if it's the real you. i love myself when i'm with you. i'm myself, the true me when i'm around you. i like how you lean on me and rest your head on my shoulder while you sing that super emotional song because i find myself humming to it all the way home. there was no flutters or butterflies but as much as i want to deny it, i like you.

LOVE

2011-11-02T03:10:00.001+08:00

Love is such a horror but yet a beautiful thing- a beautiful mess. Two souls met without the knowledge of the crazy path they'll walk. It's like sitting on a ride without a safety belt. If you hold on tight enough, you'll never fear of falling and the obvious opposite, you'll never know when you're gonna fall. It can be lovely with adrenaline and breeze yet it can be a scary ride with tears and fears. But through it all, love is an adventure.

And love to me? I don't know how to define it. Cliche as it sounds- it's when you feel butterflies and flutters when you meet someone. They are the first person you want to tell anything and everything to. they are unconsciously in your mind the whole time. I always question people's feelings towards their loved ones. Some sounded like a habit, some others are as easy as company sake. What does it take to withstand a relationship? don't you get bored of the same thing after a long time because I think I would. If I can easily get bored of friendship what about love relationship? I can have butterflies today but they turn into killer bees in a second. I can never see myself in total love infatuation cycle. It'll be interesting to see how deep I'll fell. But for now, I enjoy seeing couples form and fail all around me. It's like watching a collage of love movies with a goggle I call eyes. I guess when love hits me, I shall fall without fear, without thinking of the landing. I can't wait to feel this shit. I want to fall deeply in love, get hurt and cry my lungs out. I really want to, as crazy as it sounds because who in the world wants to get hurt? I am so numb and frozen and I want to feel something new, this thing you homosapiens call LOVE.

realization

2011-11-01T05:17:00.003+08:00

i wonder why being fat has never pull my self-esteem down. it's either i'm thick-skin, literally, or my heart is just made of fucking stone. but whatever it is, i need to lose weight. :)

i shall stop taking everything for granted. the fact that people find comfort in me is starting to hit an epiphany point in my head. i hate how i'm always on impulse and live in the moment kind of a being. i say things i don't really mean and through it all, i'm fake. i'm changing into someone with feelings, i am. (i'm trying) people don't go to anyone to rant or open up their heart and the reason people choose me is amazing and i should learn to appreciate that. it's the same everywhere i go. i find challenge in mystical people- those who loves hiding their feelings and thoughts and i am always able to change that, to open people up like a rusty, locked closet that's left for years to collect cobwebs. what i need to stop is moving on from one person to another after i unlock the closet- their hearts. i need to learn to stay and be there for long without a time limit. i'm so numb that falling in love is also a chore. i like someone for days or weeks and bam! without warning or signs, the feelings just fade away, flew off into thin crisp air. again and again, i am such a fucked up and messed up person who needs to find a special mate who is not only mystical but who can make this feeling last. where are you special one who's connected to me by my pinky finger with a red thread?

come soon~

sailing along

2011-10-31T15:06:00.002+08:00

its pouring out there and here i am sprawling in the living room waiting for the downpour to subside. meeting the friends at cityhall soon. what a lovely weather to just stay at home with a cup of warm coffee but i guess friendship is a commitment. everything is fine now, we talked it out by the poolside last saturday. i guess everyone perceive things in a different way and i don't deny that i am really fucked up emotionally and it's something i need and must change before i go on hurting more people. i should learn to treasure people- friends. i must not be a passing cloud anymore. but anywho, i'm glad things got better and we're sailing along. :)

on the other hand, i am in deep shit.

“Maybe tonight you’re scared of falling, and maybe there’s somebody here or somewhere else you’re thinking about, worrying over, fretting over, trying to figure out if you want to fall, or how and when you’re gonna land, and I gotta tell you, friends, to stop thinking about the landing, because it’s all about falling.”

—	John Green

fade away?

2011-10-29T02:03:00.004+08:00

we question our feelings and then we leave it alone.

are you really going to fade away and distant yourself after showing the real you to me? i won't cry, i won't get hurt because i am as numb as you are. i am always the passing cloud but are you going to be the cloud this time because i hate losing. you said you always end things nicely with other people but am i just another person? its bothering me as much as i try to deny it. why did you ask if you should fade away? i am disappointed and it's ridiculous!

an awful mess

2011-10-28T03:08:00.003+08:00

today was filled with a whirlwind and mess of emotions. (all over again) my friendship with the people who i really felt at home with is at risk and i don't even know where and when it started to fail. i know it all begin with me and mess up emotions. i start dissing one member at a time and my changes was so distinct that it stained the air and the vibes. bit by bit, second pass by i was ruining something i treasure so much, without realizing. now that things are falling apart, karma hit me in the face. bam! it goes and i felt so lost- not knowing what to do. sorry isn't enough to cover the damage i've done and to cement the thin line of cracks in my friend's hearts. i felt so helpless and tired before i even attempt to do something. i hate myself for always playing the passing clouds- i come and then i go. it's appalling how fast i get bored of people. one moment i see the future and the next second all i see is a thick fog. i wish i have answers for my empty feelings.

my wrist still smells of his perfume and it's really comforting.

imma sloth

2011-10-23T01:43:00.000+08:00

it has been a flow of mild craziness for these past days. i posted an entry exactly 10 days ago! its almost 2am now and i'm listening to some really soothing song. there's nothing specific to blog about but just so you know, i stayed home this weekend. it's amazing. i felt like a sloth slogging away my day at home. i even contemplate to shower. what's new man?

i felt a different vibe about me. i am not the same anymore. i feel dead, soulless and empty. it's like my soul flew away. i realized the change and so does my friend. i don't know what exactly went wrong? i'm dissing people a lot these days. and the most annoying part is i don't even know what the hell is wrong. i am just tired and bored i guess? i need to stop guessing and get the right answer. this messed up emotions and thoughts just gotta go sooner or later. on a happy note i finally found someone like me which is appalling. remember how i always say i want to meet someone who's just like me? well i do not want! i am such a complex and complicated being i didn't even realize! how ironic! i don't really know what to blog. have a good day all.

1. A charmer

2011-10-14T04:49:00.003+08:00

in life, you never know who you would stumble upon and this time, i met a charmer.

one look at this guy, you'll probably walk pass him thinking he's just another stranger, another guy. but there i was with a nice chance to sit down and befriend him. he got this straight face that i can't decipher. although his eyes is lovely, they are a dead pair. you can't see emotions or intentions whirling in them. judging from his clean appearance- hair combed, fingernails trimmed and lips smooth with a tint of lip balm, you don't need a rocket scientist to know he is neat. when we talk, he look straight into my eyes and i don't know why at times i felt the need to avoid the gaze. he asked me, "do you find me creepy because i'm always looking at you."

any typical girl out there will go head over heels for his voice, his approach and his stares. he tend to say things that a girl(s) wants to hear, act the way a girl wants a guy to. it amazed me how he can be like that. i listen to him talking to girls on the phone and the haunting voice was really nice to hear even though personally i told him i'll be screaming over the phone if he talks to me like that. he hold my hand when we're crossing the road and he always take the initiative to carry the stuff we buy. he asked if i want his sweater because that night we spent together was really chilly. this guy is not stingy with compliments which i haven't decide if he's just saying them or really sincere. even though i analyze his hypnotizing charming side, i get to know him on a personal level- how he is as a person.

he's a taurus. whatever that come to his mind, he say it- be it good or bad. what scares me was his emotionless, expressionless self. they is something bothering him in life but he's used to numbing and ignoring them that turns him into who he is at the moment. he's easily hurt and thus built a wall to protect himself. he's like floating everywhere and he's always sighing. he is not happy and bored with life. sometimes i just feel the urge to hug him but he's a charmer and i was a little afraid but now he's a friend and i want to get to know him more. he's lonely and girls are just like an accessories to him. he could easily get one and throw away another. but it was nice when we bid goodbye in the morning and before he go we fist-punch and he look me in the eye and say, "let's meet often so i can be more lively." well, he's a charmer afterall but it was nice.

Carpe Diem

2011-10-12T06:35:00.003+08:00

wow it's been over a week since i posted something right here at my little sacred space. i, of course do not feel obliged to but leaving this dear journal that has been with me for years is a little injustice don't you think? so hello there whoever who still read this dusty thing i call blog. right now i have no school or work. i've got my exams result two days ago and i passed management but sadly have to retake my accounting paper because i suck. you know how i hate elaborating on things i dislike so let's just leave them hanging. work on the other hand is a bitch because they are cutting down on part-timers who can't commit and i am waiting patiently for my manager to gave me that important call. i'm left hanging and i feel shitty thinking about it every second. since we're at the negative side of my life, let me just add that i am ridiculously broke and i hate it. the security of money is the only thing i want to be feeling right now but sadly, na-uh~

let's forget about those amazingly negative side to my life for a second. i am glad school's out for me (except for the supp paper side) and of course not forgetting the company of my dear friends. i was left to figure out my mess up emotions and feelings in the week where two important friends left the country. these two figures that have grown fondly in my heart went away and i felt so empty. i never felt so deeply for a friend to have me missing them so much but there i was, someone who's quite hard-headed and quite heartless missing two silly friends who's always making me smile. it was the longest week i ever felt for some time. we had a reunion last sunday where we overnight at fort canning just being us. it was nice and something sweet happened that night that got my stomach tingle and wiggle. he-he-he. i am still figuring out this complicated organ call heart. the feelings inside are wired in the most complicated order and because i am so use to scraping them away. someone who i can call my best friend named glenn anthony adrian have to ask me a question that triggered my heart when i have so-called settle my feelings. let's just in short say that i like someone but i at the same time feel that i don't like him bur it's nice being comfortable but i don't like him? yeah, it's complicated if you get it. hah!

my plans for the rest of the week is still not set so if you want to date me, call! it's almost 7am and i ought to go to sleep but what i want is a smoke and a good class of coffee now. bye.

feeeeeeel

2011-10-03T21:01:00.002+08:00

Heart is such a complicated organ. Sometimes you feel too much and other times you feel nothing at all. Right now, i'm feeling a mess of emotions and it's whirling up to my head.

butterfly

2011-09-30T06:15:00.004+08:00

listening to an emoshit indonesian song on a friday morning. my cousin is finishing up her work and vivian is asleep outside. we're going for a short roadtrip to malaysia later. ^^ i need this getaway so badly to sort out my feelings and clear my mind. exams is finally over and i don't want to go elaborating about the papers. anyway, i hung out with my lovely friends after the exam paper all the way to 430am before my cousin fetch me from cityhall. it was indeed another amazing night. an amazing night that screwed the feeling i wanted to shake off so badly. we got high and giggle through the night. it would have been amazing if the stars came out.

there goes the heart fluttering.

complication at its best

2011-09-29T05:30:00.003+08:00

what does it mean to fall for someone.. to like someone. you get stuck thinking whether it's a mere crush, or a short attraction or just pure infatuation. how do you know when you like someone? the flutter in your heart and the butterflies in your stomach when they look at you or is it the empty feeling if you don't hear their voice? they are in your mind the whole day. you didn't realize how they conquer your mind but the image of their face and smile and laughter fly around imaginarily. your heart stings when they talk about other girls. worse- confiding in you about someone they like. sometimes feelings are better left unattended- not look into or analyze further because they just fuck you up if you realize "yeah, i like him/her" you start relating to cliche love songs and you close your eyes while their face pops up like poptart out of the toast. you don't know if the feeling is just there temporarily or it'll prolong. but whatever it is, it's a feeling i want to shake away, to leave unattended, to not look into and to not analyze further because i'm so distracted for no reason. it's just an infatuation. i guess?

too close for comfort

droopy

2011-09-27T04:21:00.003+08:00

i have accounting examination to sit for at 7pm today. time check: 4:22am

hello there beautiful soul. i am up awake studying accounting and if you have known me well enough, you should already guess that i suck at it. anything to do with counting and formulas and something along this line is my major weakness and i have no intention of overcoming them. i just need to get a pass for accounting and you'll find me at the moon. i haven't been diligently attending accounting lecture for the past two months so i was really struggling to understand. i still need to practice because my speed of solving a problem is ridiculously slow. my eyes is droopy and it can close at any second. i guess imma take a 2-3hours nap and wake up to study again.

yesterday i spend the night with the geng at fort canning and the weather was so awesome and it got better because it starts to rain so heavily and i enjoyed the coldness because its bearable. i had my sweater ready and a good shoulder to lie on. we talked about life, played games- totally forgetting the fact that exams is a day away. it's crazy how time pass so fast when we're together. we spent the whole night together and the whole day ahead. is it just me or my heart really flutters? ohfuck.

it's always down to the four of us.

2011-09-22T04:54:00.002+08:00

exams in exactly 6 days. preparation level: 15%

listening to an indonesian pop song on a thursday morning. time check: 5am. since i'm so awake, i shall stay up all the way. was down with a cold sweat fever yesterday but miraculously healed after lying on bed the whole day. the weather is surprisingly chilly tonight and it will be an awesome sleep if i'm not awake. meeting the geng to study later on. :) i'm always all smiley when it comes to meeting these friends that i really cherish. on a sad note, my money is depleting. i need cash, i need to work. :( has been on hiatus from night safari due to exam but i'm having thoughts whether i should continue working there or not. :/ i've got nothing much to update because my life have been revolving around the same people for these couple of weeks and i'm really enjoying it. i guess i'll watch a movie now. have a great day! :)

the geng

2011-09-18T00:58:00.003+08:00

i'm everyone's best friend. in the past, now, forever. there's something magnetic and comfortable about me that get people pouring out their deep dark secrets. i guess it's just in me. :) i'm glad i could be someone important in other's life. i wish i can meet someone like me someday when i'm comfortable enough to confide everything.

these past 2 months has been awesome. i met a group of friend that i just love so much. this is the best clique of friends i ever had- hands down. we hang out at a place we call secret garden after school till the last train. it's amazing how we are all different individuals but we can relate to one another in a way. we have good conversation, play crazy rounds of truth and dare, go drinking, get high and the best part is our silence is never awkward. we have rounds of crazy conference occasionally and when we hang out we dread going home because things are just so comfortable. and i really feel at home with them. Glenn, Kin Nam, Shreeya, Rhina, Enza and Tapan- it's like a multi-racial gang. muahahaha. <3

first of the gang to die

2011-09-14T02:26:00.002+08:00

today was an awesome day spent with the geng again and this time we had cute young adrian boy with us and kin nam we went to johor to visit rhina's house and it was my first time crossing the borders with friends instead of family. isn't that awesome? we slacked at rhina's from 2pm to almost 6pm. and hang out at mcd. it was as always; good conversation etc. its 4am and i need to sleep. goodnight bro

comfort

2011-09-12T05:24:00.004+08:00

exams is exactly in 3 weeks. darn! on a happy note, life has been awesome and i've been laughing a whole lot for the past few days. i am so comfortable with the group of friends i'm closest with now; shreeya, rhina, glenn, enza and tapan. it's crazy how we became so close over a short amount of time. what i really love about us is the good conversation we always have, how open-minded we are and of course crazy games of truth and dare. but my favorite is definitely good conversation. it's not often you meet people you can be comfortable with in an instant. we had over-nights, casual drinking and lots of talking. i still have a huge problem of confiding in people but i feel the "you-can-rely-on-me" vibe with this group of friend and i'm slowly learning how to get rid of the wall. it's 530am now and i don't plan of sleeping at all. have a good day ahead. :)

aku tak tahu apa yang ku rasakan
dalam hatiku saat pertama kali
lihat dirimu, melihatmu
seluruh tubuhku terpaku dan membisu
detak jantungku berdebar tak menentu
sepertinya aku tak ingin berlalu

Mess up

2011-09-07T03:45:00.001+08:00

These days I just can’t seem to say what I mean…. I just can’t. Every time I try to say something, it misses the point. Either that or I end up saying the opposite of what I mean. The more I try to get it right the more mixed up it gets. Sometimes I can’t even remember what I was trying to say in the first place. It’s like my body’s split in two and one of me is chasing the other me around a big pillar. We’re running circles around it. The other me has the right words, but I can never catch her.

Attempting

2011-09-06T04:09:00.002+08:00

Each second pass with a heavy tick.

Guilt pressure overpowering deep within.

The bones are weak.

She lay down and hums away.

|4:16am|

woozzy wasted. hush hush

2011-09-05T05:49:00.006+08:00

these past few days has been amazing! :) i had so much fun. i met the bitches on thursday and we hang out till 2 in the morning. we ate like crazy gluttons and denise bought mcd's 20 piece nuggets for us to share. the following friday i skipped school because i was so darn tired but i met my friends for bbq at michelle's place. i took 157 and walked up sixth avenue by myself. michelle's condo was so serene and peaceful. she have 4 dogs and one cute cat mind you!! so when i entered her house it was mad noisy with 4 dogs barking at me. but they started to love me so i brought hayley out with the leash on her. felt happy walking a dog. hayley is a labrador retriever and she's really pretty! we ate and ate and ate. it was good food and i had baked sweet potatoes which was a plus. we left sixth avenue residence near to midnight and walked down to the main road to hail a cab. we were heading to punggol to overnight at sharon's place. once we reach there, we got woozy wasted and it was by far the best night i ever had. i hurled in the morning but i felt good. i don't really wanna go into details of that night but i was high and happy drunk. hehehe. only deserved people shall know the details. it's 6am and im ought to hit the sack. :)

EID MUBARAK

2011-08-31T02:42:00.001+08:00

first of syawal was not bad at all. i expected worse but i managed to put on a smile when i meet the relatives from my mom's side. i wore a super high high-heels and i look like a giant, a fat giant. my baju kurong this year was super simple. in fact, it's just a plain cloth with no beads or shiny flowers and that is how i like it. i painted my face and combed my hair properly and even wore pretty accessories like a normal girl. we visited 5 houses in total. i'm 19 this year and i have finally understand the real feeling to hari raya. in the past, it's all about the green packets. i wasn't disappointed that i've got very little green packets because i understand the art of visiting in hari raya. the food was so-so. we reached home at about 130am because at the final house, the adults were busy gossiping. so there it goes, my first day of syawal. nothing amazing but i felt refresh. :)

lengthy

2011-08-29T02:52:00.002+08:00

i always have this problem. when i'm alone in complete silence, my mind starts to wander and my thoughts get so loud but i could not pen it down. i am more of a verbal person so no doubt i had a hard time writing down those thoughts and let it flow into words. naturally, someone who are reserved and quiet are able to pen down their feelings and complicated emotions. i'm not reserved nor am i quiet. i have trust-issues of letting out my thoughts and i have problems writing them down. so in conclusion, i'm just complicated and a utter mess. so here it its, another fail attempt of vomiting my thoughts.

----------------

anyway, hari raya is tomorrow. excitement level- zero, absolutely nil. well it may be because i didn't fast faithfully for the whole of ramadhan. what a confession! spring cleaning is done and speck of dust is cleared. the only thing that i'm looking forward to is hari raya's food. i'm just gonna gobble down lots of fattening stuff and fill up my empty soul. i'm not expecting much green packet from the relatives because they are all kinda stingy with the cash. so i'm just going to work hard and earn my own pocket money. working in night safari have been fruitful. i learned many things everyday and am adapting well to the environment. i also made a few good pals and they are really getting comfortable with me which on a hindsight, might not really be a good thing after all because i'm gonna be submerged in people's problems and i have to brainstorm for practical advice. not that i mind though. at the moment, i'm struggling with school because i have zero interest in the modules and i am not driven to do well. but i've got no choice and have to stuck bucking up if i don't want to repeat them. i've been hanging out with a few of awesome people from my class and we are really getting closer. it kinda bring me back to secondary school days where cliques are fun. but again, i became people's best friend unknowingly as they start to open up to me. and again, not that i mind. it's a pretty queer thing though. people chose me to be the one they rant to and tell all their deep dark secrets. i want to meet someone that i can be comfortable with. someone i can call "best friend" so that my mess up mind could ease some burden. i'm glad i am someone's good friend afterall and i'm happy i'm well appreciated by others. it's a good feeling, really.

i'm over childish days of spouting mean words to friend that i find useless or unreliable. because those mean and evil words won't make someone who is clueless change for the better. i reckon if you mature properly you are bound to realise obvious things yourself and take necessary action. sometimes, certain people take you for granted because they have the mindset that you'll be there for them at that exact spot forever. i don't know if i'm taken for granted or i'm just like a consultant to some people. it's not something that i'm really sad about but it makes me wander what am i? anyway, i don't want to go brooding. i have goals and dreams that i must achieve and i'm a step closer to becoming what i want to become. :)

700th: Life in point form

2011-08-25T02:20:00.003+08:00

- i have been great/fine/awesome/fatter

- working in night safari is fun/tiring/tonnes of new things to learn every single day

- i am too rough with the snakes, i need to be gentler.

- i have not been fasting like a very non-religious girl

- i hate school because accounting lecture sucks and i catch no balls.

- i have management presentation tomorrow #wishmeluck

- i have tonnes of assignments UNDONE.

- hari raya is next week. #notfeelingit

- don't feel like celebrating raye at all. just wanna eat

- i need to spend more times with my lovely friends

- i should start dieting

- i am officially a cupid and love counsellor

- i shall die a virgin

- catching dreams is not easy

- its a rough road and to reach the 'there" stage is not easy

- i am trying and will work hard.

- goodbye! (:

699th post

2011-08-19T03:27:00.002+08:00

life in general for the last 4 days.

2011-08-19T03:04:00.003+08:00

i'm so shag. didn't hog onto the laptop for the past two days. i've been diligently working at night safari and oh boy am i so lethargic. it's not really a physically demanding job. today was my third day and i'm almost half way through my 7 days OJT (on-job training) so far, things has been ok. i learnt a lot of new things and i'm surrounded with cute animals. i did photo show where we display one snake and visitors can take pictures with it (for motherfucking $ ten bucks) i made friends with quite a lot of fun and awesome people- chilled with the thumbuakar boys from sabah. they are really friendly. there was a few of the photographer crew from digiphoto that i made friends with. we are about the same age so it's easy to relate. the people back in animal presentation department is ok. some are really fun to talk to and of course there are strict and rule-by-rule kind of person as well. there's this full-timer named elissa. she's really great with her job. i was really amazed seeing her training the otters, handling the snakes (they called her the queen of snakes) and i really love the way she present the "creatures of the night" show. she's amazing and mind you, she's only 22!!

it's gonna be my forth day tomorrow. i'll be doing photography again. really can't believe this was what i always wanted to do since forever. there was many things that startled me when i'm learning. one of them was frozen rats. they are meals for the snakes. the smell of raw meat is really nauseating and i' was thinking of getting a mask. but i haven't learn food preparation yet. (i wish i don't have to) i've learn how to clean the snake's husbandry. it was not so tiring but i get really sticky bro! i need to stop BRO-ING around. thanks to a boy made in indonesia, i have the habit with the bro thing. the past one week has been awesome! i hung out with my classmates and we really had fun. i've been missing my fasting happily because i'm thirsty and hungry all the time. OH WELL WHAT'S NEW! hahaha. i have class at 2pm tomorrow and then head off to work after that. i'm gonna hit the sack now. hope things go smoothly for me for the rest of the week. #be proactive

whazzaaa maa homiezz.

2011-08-15T01:12:00.005+08:00

it's been a while since i post an entry. so whats up maa homiez! life has been great. i have been pretty lazy and bum around as usual and thats my definition of "great". was down with a bad sore throat and well it's not really heal and gone. there's probably about a gallon of phlegm in there creating a murky swimming pool. on the other hand, school extremely sucks because i catch no balls for accounting. it's just not my forte man! data-entry, recording of expenses and all crappy bullshit. i really don't know how someone do this for a living. really wanna ask an accountant someday if i ever meet one. anyway i quitted baskin robbins. sent a text saying "sorry blah blah, thanks and all lalalala" to the manager. and

YES BABY. I'VE GOT THE JOB AS A PART-TIME ANIMAL-PRESENTER AT NIGHT SAFARI. OH MY GOD. ITS LIKE A DREAM CAME TRUE. ARGH. :D

i waited for 2 weeks and they called me. i was already thinking they're not hiring me but thank god, i've got the job. it's a dream of mine to be working with animals. YAHOOO! :D i need to get flu vaccination and i have an appointment tomorrow at 11.15. probably the best injection ever. because it's for a job i always wanted. woohoo. thank god really. i prayed so hard and i talked to god and complained and rant about it and he heard it. awww. :) i've gotta return my uniform to BR ASAP. ahh i feel quite shitty cause the people there are awesome and all. i knew this day would come.. gotta face it.

random

2011-08-11T01:51:00.001+08:00

I hate that feeling when you randomly feel depressed. There is no warning, no apparent reason. It just happens. You feel empty, and you feel hopeless. And you just feel tired. As if you never want to move again. Then when someone asks you what's wrong, you can't say because there is nothing that comes to mind. Then you start thinking of what it could be, and you realize just how much is wrong. You know that feeling? Yeah, it sucks.

imma cougar. rawr.

2011-08-06T22:45:00.005+08:00

it's coming to a week of fasting. :) alhamdulilah. this week has been awesome. i went to town yesterday to watch nathan perform a small set at scape. it was great because he performed his originals and oh boy am i sucha fan of those good music. the particular one i really like was "maybe i'll see her today" and his own rendition of "crazy". he's so talented and every single time he perform, he will bring out the music in a new way. and the fact that he's really good looking is a bonus. but good music is still good music no matter how you look. :)

i'm not working for these couple of days. i request for offs because i have assignments to clear up over the weekend and guess what, NONE IS DONE. muahahahaha. next week is national day. weehoo. i'm heading to padang for picnic and for the funpack. it's a private event for NTUC union thingy and only invited guest are allowed. i can't wait to tattoo my fat cheek with the stick-on tattoos. okay, i sound so patriotic. meeting the secondary school clique on monday to break fast together. :) i'm just gonna be me. no tarnishing of the "that-hyt-image" because some stuff are better not said or show. oh well. i've been watching this korean drama called "heartstrings" and it's really good. well yeah, it may be the typical korean love drama but who cares, I LURBE THEM! :D on a random note, there's this really cute baby-face indonesian boy in my class called Adrian and all the girls really find him cute, (including me) imma number one fan. he's so innocent and awww so adorable. *cougar mode* did i mention he's only SIXTEEN? he's indonesian man! okay enough, i need to start clearing my homework.... AFTER EPISODE 11 OF HEARTSTRINGS. good day! :)

blahblehblah....blah...BLAH

2011-08-03T17:53:00.002+08:00

i have been so busy lately that i didn't even did an opening blog entry about Ramadhan. ): so here it comes, IT'S FASTING MONTHHH~!

OK. that was a bit dry. muahahaha. i have been busy running to work after school, catching sleeps when i have the time to and eating ice-cream everyday. it's tiring. i don't know what keeps me going. Molly is feeling better i guess. But his voice is still scratchy and instead of meowww, he sounded like maaaaaeeeek. Ramadhan is a miracle month so i hope molly will recover soon and we'll hear his radiant voice again. my first two days of fasting was depressing because i broke fast alone at baskin robbins. but heyhey, today, i'm home with mom to sit at the dining table and hear the sermon and take my first sip of the day. WITH MOM! YAAAAY! last week i miss one accounting lecture and last monday i came in to class looking blur. it's crazy how one lecture makes a huge ass difference. my god. luckily my awesome group members helped me catch up but oh boy, i have lots of practice to do ne~ working in BR have been great even though i've been doing closings and i have to run and catch the last train if not i'll be stranded in the middle of novena crying. HAHAHAHA. oh and about night safari. oh well, i'll see how it goes. IF i'm hired then well it's a dream come true and i have to bid goodbye to BR but if i'm not, i'll be depressed for maybe 10 minutes but then get on with life. i love how blogging totally sounds like talking to myself. okay myself, you go and bath now and help mom in kitchen okay. :D

Bummed

2011-07-31T02:30:00.002+08:00

today was a long day. (: woke up early for an interview i waited a few years for. still can't believe after 12410427 resumes i sent to the zoo, they finally called me. it's the weekend so zoo was packed with families, student on field trips, tourist, etc. i reached 45 minutes earlier than the scheduled interview! can you feel my excitement! i'm never early for something but because i was anticipating this so much, i was early! i sat at KFC and ate the bandito pocket and then the lady who's name is frances came at about 10.15am. alongside me, there was 2 other part-timers applicant who came for an interview. we rode the tram and head to night safari office which is a cool place. the usual questions like, "tell me about yourself", "why night safari" etc was asked and i had no problem answering cause I REALLY WANT THIS JOB! :) i was given a short script to read because well, animal presenter of course needs to be able to deliver scripts. she will call me next week if i'm accepted. if i'm not, well no calls of course.

in the afternoon, i had work at baskin robbins and time passes so fast! oh boy, i am starting to like this job. :) the people are great, young supervisors are cool and of course colleagues that are around my age. IF i were to get the call from night safari, of course, no doubt i will take it but i'm really starting to love BR and i hate where this is going. bummed up about it. :/ i've got work at the same time tomorrow. and ramadhan is here once again. ^^

Molly, please be well soon.

2011-07-29T03:05:00.004+08:00

i'm really worried about mollyboo. :'( he's not his usual full of energy self. i don't know what to do. i'm pretty much broke right now and veterinary clinic consultation will cost a bomb! molly has been lying around looking weak for these past few days. he eats and drinks as per normal but he ain't himself. he didn't bite me and he don't engage or respond to our normal peek-a-boo game. i'm really sad. he just lay on my bed looking weak. i felt so desperate and depressed. i thought he was going to be alright but it's been about 4 days since i saw his usual full of life character. i'm calling the vet the first thing in the morning to ask about consultation fees for cat. i've been researching on his symptoms and oh boy the result of my research just scares me further. i observed he's been smacking and licking his lips often and many cat forums said those are signs of indigestion and stuff. i don't know when was the last time i heard him meow-ing. he looks weak and i'm mad worried. i'm willing to sell my gadgets for him to be well. oh god, please protect my cat, i love him so much. i feel so helpless right now! :/

I NEED TO SET MY PRIORITY!

2011-07-27T03:09:00.002+08:00

3am and i'm watching a drama. work at 11am later. woohoo! i probably catch harry potter with a friend after that. yeah yeah, im such a loser cause i've not watch harry potter. grr. i was down with fever and flu so for the whole day i just idle around whining and exaggerating how sick i was. hahaha. anyway!! zoo called and asked me to come down for an interview this saturday. i was so excited that the lady on the phone could totally tell. i don't know how many million resume i've sent to the zoo for the past year and they finally called me in for an interview. OMG! these past few days has been too good. my first day in baskin robbins was fun and an interview on saturday for a job i've always wanted to do, ANIMAL PRESENTER. this is the most anticipating interview ever cause omg, god knows how much i wanted this job! but then again, my hands are so damn full right now. i'm working for BR and my august weekends are filled for kinder joy. i wish i could do all 3 plus yeah, i've got school on weekdays and i really want to ace it. projects and assignments are coming and oh dearie boy, i just wish i could do everything. and not to forget, my community service commitments! i've yet to get back on track for that. omg faaaail! i wish someone help me to sort out my priorities. :/

hi welcome to baskin robbbbiiiiins.

2011-07-26T02:17:00.006+08:00

*sniff sniff* i am down with flu and could feel an impending fever coming. just drank a glass of warm water and swallowed down a flu tablet. my legs are okay and i sorta get use to the cramp feeling. today was my first day at Baskin Robbins. it went great! :) i look funny in the uniform because it's pink and though my hair look really good in cap, i have to stuff it all in and thus, i ended up looking like i've got cancer. rushed down to work after school and i was punctual. (so proud of that) it was a 9 minutes train-ride from my cityhall. the 4hours at work passed so fast. i learnt how to scoop icecream properly, did lots of washing and cleaning. :) the supervisor is this two cool dude. i guess this job is okay for me except that if there were music in store, it'll be perfect. :D i kinda have a problem with schedule because apparently for the month of august i am set to work for kinder joy for all the weekends and since i'm working for BR now, erm i don't know how. oh well. my body is tired but my eyes are still wide awake. and the flu is really killing me. :/ oh and another good news, I'VE GOT A DISTINCTION, OH YEAAAAH FOR MY IDEAS AND CRITICAL ANALYSIS MODULE! :)) hehehe. i guess imma hit the sack now. have a good week ahead humans.

L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N

2011-07-23T23:07:00.004+08:00

right now i can't feel my leg. it's all worn out from standing for 12 hours. i did a temporary job this weekend- distributing fliers for a travel fair that is located at suntec city mall. it's not my first time. it was my second and the job still sucks. this job is probably the best job that makes you feel rejected all the time because there you are giving out brochure but human passing by (the unkind one) gave one million and one kind of expression and gesture. :/ oh well, that's life. i have one more day to withstand the faces so i shall endure. :)

on a happy note, i met up with gayathri last friday for dinner. it was the first time we head out with just the two of us and guess what, i love it so much! :) there's more space for us to be frank with each other because gaya and i are pretty much the insensitive and straightforward type. we head to fort canning and slack there and oh boy is the view pretty! it's been a while since i went up there. we took plenty of photos too. well, it's just something that we can't miss out. i had fun and we've decided to do this often, just the two of us. oh and i was hired by baskin robbins. monday is my first day. i don't know if i want to work there for a long time but i'll try and see how it goes. ok, imma head to bed now. :)

sunshine

2011-07-22T09:31:00.003+08:00

good morning earthlings! it's 9.30am and i am awake and fresh like a morning bee. wait what's a morning bee? oh well~ today is not one of those days where i stood up the whole night and am still awake and about to go to sleep at about this time. i slept at about 2ish am last night and woke up at about 8.30am. i guess my body clock is improving. (: i don't want to be late for my management class at 2pm later. class is fun! :) we have this Dr. as our lecturer and oh boy is he cool! besides going into management content, he touches a lot on life generally. i was a little inspired by his wisdom and wittiness. i'm looking forward to more management classes. the contents are all in theory form and words are my friends. so let's ace it baby! (cheeyy) i'm meeting gayathri for dinner later and this weekends i'm busy distributing fliers. :)

oh btw, i had my interview at baskin robbins yesterday and oh boy is the interview tough! the interviewer was this chinese dude who's not really quite of a singaporean because he asked me stupid questions like where's national library and raffles hotel when i told him my school is near those popular spots. where have he been living all this while? in a cave? he asked me questions like, "why should i hire you?", "in what kind of way can you contribute to baskin robbins"! i mean like dude! i'm applying for a part-time ice-cream scooper not some managing director! o.O i was really cursing inside throughout the interview but still pull off a calm sheet of face upfront. -.- i don't know if i'll get the job but he told me the supervisor will call me for training and i need a rubber shoe. that's probably a huge hint that i am hired? but here comes the dilemma again, i don't know if i want to work there. i mean it's all pink. even the uniform is pink and mind you, i look FUNNY in pink. (not that i really mind) but oh well, we'll see how it goes. for now, i want to catch a movie. do you know, i've yet to watch harry potter?!

LET'S DANCE TO JOY DIVISION BABY~

2011-07-21T02:44:00.004+08:00

i passed my economics exam. after much ranting of my hatred towards this module, i pass it. (: it's amazing. i was in cold sweat when i was checking my email but phewww! no distinctions, no A's, i just pass it and i'm really happy because that is what i plan to attain. one more result to wait for. one huge weight off my chest for now. spent the whole day rotting away at home today.

i went to meet june and illya yesterday. we head to prologue to say hi to everyone there and had dinner with nazhar. we then went to hang out and had a good laugh by ourselves in town. i have school tomorrow. the first lesson for management. wonder how it'll be because last monday i had my first accounting lesson and oh boy, the future don't seem so bright. we have this chinese lecturer who probably descend from china with a thick accent. i had a ball of ear-torture deciphering what he's talking about. but hey, i passed economics so whats on my way shouldn't be so hard to handle. (cheyyy) this weekends i'll be down in suntec giving fliers for some dough, and tomorrow after school i've gotta rush down to clementi for baskins robbin interview. i hope it'll go well because i've been picky with part-time job lately. :/ oh well~ and i've yet to watch harry potter because i'm broke. i told huda that i want the HP poster hanging in JP harris. muahaha. im ought to head to bed. so goodbye and do you know that i pass my economics exam? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

too much durian

2011-07-18T03:47:00.003+08:00

my mom look so tired :/ but cute.

massive energy spike at this hour. i slept at 10pm thinking it'll be an early night but i woke up 3 hours later. (time check: 3.45am) total failure. the weekends is over and school resume tomorrow. embarking on two new modules which i've heard is apparently much easier than the previous two. wooo. and we'll have new classmates too which means, *finger cross*, new cute boys (and girls) okay here's the reality actually. most of the cute and handsome guys are in the part-time course so i've only see them during exams. that's the sad fact. hehehe. but it's okay i hope the *coughcough* bachelor of commerce dude will be in sight tomorrow. and i'm meeting the girls for lunch tomorrow and yingli for dinner. we're gonna have subwaaaay (cue) EAT FRESH! :D

today. i went for a walk with my mom and makbusu family at the jurong lake park. it was really nice and the weather was not so hot because we went at about 5ish pm. back in secondary school, lake park was like a hang-out place for me. walking down with my family gives out a total different feeling and i enjoy the scenery a bunch more. we went to japanese & chinese garden and walked out when the sun was setting and the sky was changing its hue. it was beautiful. on a random note, i had too much durian for the past couple of week so imma stop eating them altogether. i went home with a headache just now probably because of durian. my vaio battery is dying already. it hasn't been half hour. god! this machine is really aging! okay folks, have a good week ahead.

Tentang Seseorang

2011-07-17T05:10:00.001+08:00

kulari ke hutan kemudian menyanyiku
kulari ke pantai kemudian teriakku
sepi… sepi.. dan sendiri aku benci
aku ingin bingar… aku mau di pasar
bosan aku dengan penat
dan enyah saja kau pekat
seperti berjelaga jika kusendiri

pecahkan saja gelasnya biar ramai
biar mengaduh sampai gaduh
ada malaikat menyulam
jaring laba laba belang di tembok keraton putih

kenapa tak goyangkan saja loncengnya
biar terdera
atau aku harus lari ke hutan
lalu ke pantai…

i'm in control

2011-07-15T04:14:00.003+08:00

pictures were from last monday. economics exam ends at 10pm and we (there was about 10 of us) head to serangoon to hang out. we were all majorly relieved that econs was over. (: the night was fun (and shall not be elaborated) i never visit serangoon area before. it was all good until the boys got really- well you can see and relate to the last photo. that's tommy and huzairy (btw) feeling very gay at that particular moment. school is resuming on monday. starting on my 2 new modules. well, i personally feel, we deserve an extra week break but oh well, the new timetable is out. okay now, school aside. :)

----

this particular week has been awesome so far. and today, i went to ainun's house to help her with econs (which i fairly suck at too) and of course randomly chit-chatting half the time. her abode is so cozy, i could spend eternity there. it's pretty small but it's just so comfortable and homely. love it! i head home after that and kinda rest for a bit before meeting nasuha at about 9-ish. it was just the two of us doing what we always do- sit down, chit-chat and laugh a truckload. i had so much fun and the moon was so gorgeous tonight. the cloud kinda engulf the whole sky like one whole sheet of cotton candy. it's beautiful and perfect to be with someone you're so comfortable with. i felt at ease. i was actually going to sentosa with my classmates tomorrow but the plan got cancelled and so i'm free as a bee. (well i'm planless and forsee a boring day) it's 4.34am an i'm ought to head to bed. bye.

coffee.. anyone?

2011-07-14T01:04:00.004+08:00

today was a long day. i barely had enough sleep. (2 hours to be exact) i was in CBD zone at 1030am. witnessed hundreds of humans in formal attires bustling to work. i applied for a temporary job that can get me some dough to shop. i went down to school to charge my forever-outta-battery phone as i wait for nazirah and suhaily to make their way to bugis so we can all have lunch. brought the girls to the pigeonhole book cafe and jazreel came along. we just slack for a couple of hours, chatting. i didn't realize how many different group of people i was close to back in secondary school days. we reminisce the past where we use to hang out and all the childish memorable things we did. it's really sweet. (: i'm glad we meet up again. really! i'm going to ainun's place tomorrow to help her with econs (i suck at it too, but i'll try my best) and probably i'll get myself a good icecream after that. Island Creamery it is. ^^

--------

you know, if you just stood still for a minute, you can observe a million things? that's what i did every night. i stood still by the kitchen's window, open the grill and just try to absorb and observe as many things as i could. the sky, the people strolling home, the cars, the lights on the opposite units (...) my mind starts to waver away, in a good way. i rarely head straight back home after parting with my friends or after i alight from the bus. i'll sit at the park or an empty bench, just dazing away and enjoying the silence. it's an amazing solitary moment i end my day with. there's this really cute guy in my school who's in the BACHELOR OF COMMERCE COURSE. okay that's all. teehee~

bullcrap

2011-07-11T04:05:00.002+08:00

i need someone to talk to now. i'm just bored. economics notes are sprawling all over the living room carpet and i'm staring at it hoping the facts would magically enter my brain. i thought of walking to mcd to get myself a hasbrown or maybe erm some good burger to munch. oh well. i always wish a good friend is a call away and we'll meet up randomly. i want to go for a walk downstairs.. well just because. i have exam at 7pm later. and i'm planning to go for a long walk after that. i need a good icecream to cheer myself up from this economics bullcrap. maybe i'll drop by island and hope it will still be open. or just a stick of paddle-pop is good enough. oh dearie dear what a random bitch i'm becoming. and are you planning not to talk to me forever?

overdue photos

2011-07-10T21:05:00.006+08:00

it's great to be surrounded by amazing people.

random morning entry oh hello!

2011-07-09T08:53:00.004+08:00

pretty much how i look right now.

haggard and messy.

i should really stop posting ugly pictures here.

no one want to marry me now.

bye!

Good morning! :D it's ten minutes to 9am and yes you've guess it right, i have not slept since last night. wooohooo~ i'm very shag but i can't seem to fall asleep and say hello to the sunshine. yesterday i had ideas and critical analysis exam and i pretty much bullshit my way through because the whole module is common "sensical" my friends have been bringing up the issue of me sleeping early in the morning and they are very concern about it. awww. (: i am again bullshitting for this blog entry which will be redundant in the end. i just came to say hello! i actually have proper pictures to post because i met up with nazirah, jazreel, suhaily and peiyi last night. we had supper at mcdonalds and did a lot of catch up on our lifes and its amazing how we are all still the same people and how i felt like a 14 year old again when i talk to them. i hope peiyi or jazreel will upload the pictures later so i have something to post besides my cute little loner face. muahahaha. alright i want to be alone but i don't want to be lonely. see see see~! this is a perfect example of bullshitting. okay i should really sleep. bye loves! :) oh and i really need a job soon. after my econs paper on monday I AM GOING FOR ANOTHER SCAVENGER JOB HUNT.

hi eyebags

2011-07-07T06:21:00.004+08:00

good morning star shine! the earth says harooo! i've been waiting diligently for the rain to pour every night but they refuses to. but it's okay, i shall continue to wait. the weather hasn't been that humid these pass few days maybe that's because i don't leave home or even wake up when the sun is up. muahahaha. my body clock is further screwed by meself and that is why i never get to see the sunny hot sun rising above our little island recently. time check: 6.24am. i'm on the bed with many pillows surrounding so that i'll get the feel to fall asleep. oh bee-tea-double-you, i went out with my cousin and aunt just now at about 1am. :) it was a random call and also my aunt was making-up to me because i didn't get to follow them to melaka (malacca). so my cousin pick me up and we went to rochor road for tauhuay. we sat in la' salle and enjoy the soft beancurd. it was really fun. i love night drive and random outings. and out of more randomness we went to sentosa. yeah we went inside as in to the beach area. really awesome. :) it was so quiet. i have pictures but it's in my cousin's camera which will probably be uploaded next year. hahahaha. okay. and hope you enjoy my eyebags and dark circles in those pictures. i'm off to bed now. have a good day! :)

conclusion

2011-07-06T02:02:00.007+08:00

i have come to a conclusion that i am not depress. after all, i have nothing that's bothering me. it's just me. what i have been feeling all these while was loneliness and emptiness. that is all. a mere loneliness that leads to crazy thoughts and a dread of sad phase. i guess when i'm alone in a quiet place, my mind is so loud it starts screaming. it's just the ambiance and the atmosphere that create a solemn situation where i begin to dwell on matters that is not even important. i guess everyone will feel this way at some point of their life. the sudden empty and hollow feel that eat you from the inside. i will still remain as mystical as i always was. i have trust issues that takes time (or forever) to heal. so until that time comes or that someone appear, i shall remain this way. i play such an important role (not bragging) in many lives to be there as a friend, to cheer them up when they're feeling at worse. i can't be weak on the inside when i show the world such a tough front right? i am beginning to love the silence at night. appreciating and embracing such wonderful peace.

i have learnt that the heart is such a complicated organ. you either feel too much or feel nothing at all, but through it all, your heart still continue beating. sometimes you feel like the weight of the world is pressing you down and you feel like dying. it really help if you place your right hand to where your heart is. feel it beating and telling you "it's not the end" i'm almost 19 this year. i haven't learn to love someone so much that dying is an option. to be completely honest, i have never miss anyone to the point that i really want to see their face. i use the word "miss" too lightly. i'm starting to sound like a stone cold bitch. this entry is heading towards a "HTHT" session with myself. i never fall for a guy properly before. they are all mere stupid teens crush. wow. in short, i haven't experience first love. i'm such a virgin. HAHAHA. i'm going to stop here before i begin exposing non-related stuff.

excuse me. can i say something?

have you ever stand up for something in your whole entire life?

why are you such a coward? what didn't you try harder?

why are you so afraid to say something?

why are you so ignorant and stupid?

i swear this time, i'm staying still.

and you... you can wait for the moon to turn green.

cause you never learn.

that's the end of our one-sided conversation.

♥ hyt, your awesome friend

WORDS II

2011-07-05T20:28:00.001+08:00

words

2011-07-04T23:33:00.001+08:00

where we were, how we were, when we were.

2011-07-03T05:09:00.004+08:00

5.09am

i am never good at expressing myself. be it penning down my thoughts or saying it out loud. my feelings are all jumbled. it's like a myriad mess in there. i have always admire people who could easily figure themselves out. and then here i am looking all calm and happy while putting all the farrago hidden behind an opaque sheet. yesterday, someone asked me if i'm depressed, and i answered him with a huge laugh. but when i stood by the kitchen's window a little while ago, i reviewed that question and ask myself was i depressed? all these feelings that are causing a ruckus deep inside do not have a specific name or term so could depression be one of them? i'm really hollow inside, i need the emptiness to be fill up with something.

put it on shuffle

2011-07-02T02:12:00.003+08:00

i'm really bored at the moment. so i look through my notes in facebook and came across this. And i've decided to do it again because over the years, my taste of music have change and now i listen to more genre and wow~ i've got many pretty coincident song- answers to some of the questions. it was fun and i had a good time laughing.my itunes have a total of 1212 songs now so all this tracks had a good time shuffling. the last time i did this was on March 15, 2009. WOAH~!

RULES:

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Chinese Blues- Travis

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Losing Touch- The Killers

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Change the World- NEWS

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Puzzle- Kanjani8

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Rolling Coaster- Kanjani8

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Stardust- Michael Buble

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Missing You- Ft-Island

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Talking to the Moon- Bruno Mars

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
How to save a life- The Fray

WHAT IS 2 + 2?

Surfer Babe- McFly

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Untitled 1- Keane (O.O)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Baby Love- Ft-Island (WTFF?)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Apologize- One Republic (uh-oh)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Put Your Records On- Corinne Bailey Rae (awwwww)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Defying Gravity- Glee Cast (Rachel & Kurt)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Life- Kanjani8

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Trouble Sleeping- Corinne Bailey Rae

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Flume- Bon Iver

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Not Falling Apart- Maroon5

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Misery- Maroon5

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Gonna be the melody- V.O.S

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Don't you remember- Adele

what's becoming of me?

2011-07-01T02:01:00.005+08:00

today is the 1st of July. wow. we have come a long way haven't we. :) i finally met kacey, ahmad and denise after a long long time. we had ice-cream at island creamery. it has been a good whole month since i went to indulge on my favorite ice-cream. felt like heaven when the combination of brownies and tehtarik ice-cream melting in my mouth. it's a weird follow-up after that because we went to have late dinner at Al-Azhar. Dessert comes after a meal right? we're weird like that. so we walked down a few bus-stop after that meal hunting for toilet. kacey, denise and i continued our long walk in a quiet street of terrace houses after ahmad head home. it was fun. as always. :)

the warm feeling that enters your lung.

Round and round

2011-06-30T04:04:00.005+08:00

time check: 4.04am.

howdy there. tonight has been pretty dramatic. got into an argument with a group mate over msn chat 2 hours ago. (don't worry we made up) and then, i got into a guilty pool of poop because fat send me a tweet that makes me feel bad. (still feeling bad) i haven't been contacting her for a long time now so she is pretty mad because i tweeted to kacey about missing him and i kinda dramatize my tweet so fat got pretty rough-up jealous. i usually never initiate a text to ask a friend out so if i did, YOU ARE A LUCKY DORK! hehehe. i kinda fail as a friend when it comes to this because i ain't sensitive enough and i haven't learn to treasure it properly. i'm a flawed human. i should cut down on my sarcasm (and maybe coffee also) too because even when i was not being sarcastic, my friends would think i am. and then i'll go like, "no no, i wasn't being sarcastic! really! that was a casual remark, honest!" then they will have this doubtful look on their face that screams, "hmm was she being sarcastic again?" i should cut down on my sarcasm, coffee and carbohydrate. what a queer combo~! muahahaha.

on a happy note, i went to the Singapore flyer today with mom and aunt. my brother got a free pass that allows 5 entry but only the 3 of us were free today. and flyer is amaaazing! i love every second, every turn, every bit of the 30 minutes ride. there was so many things to absorb. you get to see things from a different angle and a different view. i was busy capturing pictures with my digital camera (my photography skills, cannot-make-it) that i really wish my eyes could snap pictures. Singapore is a beauty. we rode the flyer at about 7pm and it was twilight. (and then edward cullen hop onto our capsule and he sparkles) the sky was slowly changing its sheet of hue and to be able witness it at a good spot was breathtaking. and then slowly, slowly, the city lights shone and the skyline was beautiful that look like a sea of stars. i was so amazed and taken-aback. i didn't know why people say flyer ride was boring. i swear i can stay in that capsule for a day long, just going round and round and absorbing every single beauty.

fag

2011-06-29T01:20:00.003+08:00

probably the most liberating feeling.

but i prefer coffee.

zilch

2011-06-27T01:28:00.004+08:00

i'm addicted to coffee. i drank 6 glasses everyday. i think they're good for me. i love the aroma that rises when hot water is poured. i am going to sound crazy.

i have an essay that is due on tuesday and since i am a last minute worker since forever, here i am blogging. i went to the library today, yeah on a sunday. did a little references here and there and then i went to grab a quick late dinner. (alone) i had extra cash today, so i had subway. i'm pretty broke and i turned down two jobs because i am busy with school. probably after exam, i shall go for another job hunt. i am lying flat on my room floor, and this cold marbled flooring is really comfortable. (NOT) lazing off as i listen to mraz live gigs. the first thing i'm buying when i have money is mraz "A-Z" album. ): sucks to be penniless. i have nothing to say actually. hehe. so erm, bye?

eyeshadow

2011-06-25T19:30:00.007+08:00

say yay to center parting?

what does it take to be creative?

what does it take to paint a beautiful picture?

jyeah

2011-06-23T23:26:00.000+08:00

KOPI-O

2011-06-22T02:39:00.004+08:00

taking a short break from studying and scribbling notes. all projects are officially over. the pass 2 weeks was all about traveling to and fro school and seeing the same faces of my teammates. (not a bad thing) i have an essay to finish up and lots of studying to do. exams are in early july. :/ the boys in my class thinks i'm very critical (because of a few comments i made). shreeya and rob said i'm a stalker because i seems to know lots of stuff about everyone which makes me ponder for awhile, where the hell did i get all the information from? hahaha. i tend to just say the first thing that appear in my mind like earlier today, i made a comment about vick's sharp nose. and the boys start bombarding me with all the previous comments i made about them. (oops) i love to stone and let my mind wander. i should really be caution. hahaha. (: i have rob and shreeya to wander around mindlessly with me now. ^^ so happy.

a short change

2011-06-19T22:37:00.003+08:00

i'm back. (: feels good to be lying on bed with my laptop after 3 days living the kampong life. i went to tanjong balai, karimun. it's this little island in indonesia which i think is probably the closest indonesia's island to singapore? jyeah. my mom's aunt owns a house there so we went to visit. there's something about the kampong environment that makes me calm. there was no internet or television in the house that i lived in. i woke up to the rooster's cockerel. everyone in that kampong is like one big family and they were really friendly! i was amazed. its quite different from kampong pengerang (malaysia). the night breeze was so cooling and i sat at the veranda, moon-gazing. the food was so-so and i finally tasted teh-botol which i realised was jasmine green tea after sipping it. then i went FUUUUUCCCCCK in my head because i don't like the flowery after-taste. there was lots of mosquito and fly but i am no brat to be complaining. it was a good short change and getaway. we went to the beach and ate the local food. we visited some of the houses there and went for foot therapy. i love watching the kids playing outside their house. these people really make do of what they have and they are all so content. (:

after visiting kampong, i always go back with this grateful and contented feeling. i learnt so much by just looking at the villager's way of life. now that i'm back, assignments are waiting to be touch and i'm heading to school for a group meeting tomorrow. i want to turn in now and it's 1130pm. my eyes are slowly closing curtain. goodnight.

she falls asleep and all she think about is youuuu~

face spam

2011-06-17T00:48:00.004+08:00

here you go! spam of my face :)

i'll be gone for 3-4 days.

a short getaway to indonesia.

miss me. thanks.

Seeing Doubles

2011-06-16T05:49:00.003+08:00

it's 5.52am on a thursday morning. cold air seeping secretly into the house as the tiny little droplets of drizzle dance a musical. i'm not trying to be poetic. i'm actually very lethargic to the extend that my eyes are closing at any seconds. i burned the midnight oil to modify the powerpoint slides for my team's economics presentation, later at 9am. i'm contemplating whether to get an hour of sleep or to just stay awake all the way. by the way I'm going Indonesia on Friday. weeehooo. finally a short getaway to relax. for now have a good day y'all.

"maybe, just maybe"

Can i hear an A.M.E.N?

2011-06-15T02:32:00.004+08:00

howdy y'all! :) debate is finally over. can i hear an amen? haha. i was dying from the heat in my formal attire- high waist skirt and white shirt with pink stripes. but it was nice to dress smart for the first time and i felt like an office lady for a day. debate went well. its been a while since i stood and speak in front of an audience, but i did ok. (it could have been better if could gather a few more ounce of confidence) my team was amazing. we started from scratch two days before the debate and still made it. weee. though a swept of relieve seep in because the debate was over, it's only for a while because my econs project is due on thursday. yeah. and just so you know, my team have not come out with anything. i'm suppose to be doing research on non-price competition based on an oligopoly market (econs term blahblah) but here i am blogging, tumblring, tweeting and reading up on horoscope while sipping my second glass of coffee. bravo.

school aside. i went to NTU School of Arts, Design and Media- Digitial Filmmaking Screening night today with my cousin at filmgarde. It was the 2011 graduating batch project and it was really good. There was different genre of film and i find it really creative. Their booklet that portrays all their work in school was really awesome, from photography to art and design. I was inspired and then i realised that i'm such a loser who don't even know how to use photoshop. so i have decided to embark on a journey to learn it. cheyba. oh by the way, the food at the ADM event was nice. i had laksa and lots of fried wanton. (: tummy is happy. okay folks, i need to start my research. tonight i shall burn midnight oil. its a 9am class later and the time is 2.59am. i iz screwed. goodbye.

i thought, "hmm, that was nice of him."

dead eyes and tired.

2011-06-12T23:40:00.003+08:00

thunder announced it's entrance a few seconds ago. (: wee, it's going to rain. i'm actually writing my debate script on the cue cards but i kept wavering and surf the net. hehehe. these few days was really tiring. i met up with my debate team everyday and it's irritating that we never meet as a full team before. i'm teamed up with a group of amazing and smart people with different personality. i have to work with a really dominant guy who think he's always right. i was amazed at the patience i was able to put out when working with these people. and here it comes, my debate is tomorrow. gah. i'm not feeling anxious or nervous yet but i have this feeling that our content is not enough. well, that is it. we have to go out there and give it all. we have to come in formal attire. :/ oh dear~ (just wait and see what i'm wearing in the next entry)

it was bad enough that i was down with fever and flu for the past days, i took panadol fizzy remedy drink and got puffy eyes in return. i'm allergic to paracetamol but was stubborn and was finding a quick path to recovery so i swallowed a glass of lemon flavoured panadol drink. i start to itch all over and my eyes was swollen. i quickly took ice to cool down the swell. i was panic-stricken for awhile but adult enough to act properly. I think i'm going to sleep before 3am today. i'm just going to write my script and modify a little. (: i hope tomorrow goes smoothly. goodnight

climax

2011-06-11T01:35:00.004+08:00

I'm really sick.

I have debate scripts to edit.

we're left with two days before our debate.

my nose is like a leak tap.

my body is weak.

i can't get my brain to work.

assignments piling.

but i'm happy (i guess)

Quick one.

2011-06-10T00:34:00.002+08:00

A short update: i have debate on monday and the preparation is tight now. we've been meeting up almost everyday. individual assignments to finish too and i gotta study econs real soon. on a random note, i ran out of coffee so a can of redbull is accompanying me tonight. thank god lesson is at 2pm tomorrow where the first debate begins. they're debating about foreign talent. my debate topic is media censorship. my team is pro for the abolishment of media censorship. it's not that tough but i have people in my team who can't really speak very well. :/ i gotta get back to work. goodnight! :)

my heart stirs at the thought of you. hehehehe.

Pigeonhole

2011-06-09T02:21:00.004+08:00

i'm really worn out and lethargic to the extent that i brought my laptop to my bed. reason, so i could blog and then put both my laptop and myself to sleep. the weather is great don't you think. i was walking in the drizzle just now and it felt so right. i manage to catch the last train back with illya and june. we went for our usual supper at wendy's. the familiar feeling of just sitting and chatting was awesome. today was june's last day at prologue, so illya is the only "youth" left there all by herself. haha! and i went for an interview at page one but i don't really like the environment. they were playing putomayo songs and i really can't work with that genre of music playing on air. :/ the lady who interviewed me don't really know what to say and she kept asking me if i have any questions for her, like werrrrt! she was annoying in fact and errr, i don't want to work under her.

on the brighter side, these few days has been great. (: i went to "The Pigeonhole" yesterday for an open mic event. It's a cozy book cafe, and i can forsee myself going there for more espresso by myself in future. the real reason i went to the pigeonhole was to catch illya and diana perform. they name themselves, "she falls asleep" i don't know why, but i love mcfly's song of the same name. hehe. they haven't been performing for two years because they were busy with college so yesterday was sort of their comeback and they were amazing! they play the guitar so well and their compositions of songs were really poetic and nice. i was so amazed. i met a few of illya's friend and they were all from JC and are really smart. diana is ill's childhood friend and they have been playing guitar and singing together for a long time. they even open yuna's concert before!! i had such a good time listening to live bands and i really enjoy myself. :) it's a great great couple of days (:

Let your hair down

2011-06-07T06:07:00.003+08:00

Good morning! :) really, morning! this is not a statement made because i have stay up the whole night and it's morning now. i slept at 9.30pm last night! amazing? i know. its like primary school sleeping curfew. i was so drain and lethargic that i hit the sack once i reach home. the only meal i had was a box of takoyaki and white chips cookies. yesterday's lesson was critical analysis and we did lots of mapping out, breaking down of concepts into properties, word symbol and references. then i head off to the library to do some research for my assignment. i walked mindlessly again after that but manage to find my way to a "174" bus-stop. hehehe. i know the area well enough not to be lost now. woohoo.

i'm tumblring, sitting & facing my room window that is open a little so i could see the sky change its color. i'm gonna cook a good breakfast for myself and start working at 8am. maybe have a good shower before that. right now, i just want to stone and witness the morning unfold. have a good day all! :)

thanks blogger. :/

2011-06-05T05:16:00.005+08:00

i've actually posted an entry but it somehow got swept away by an unknown force and it's gone now. so i'm kinda lazy to write a new entry. the writing mood is not here and i forgot what i said. it's 5.17am and i ought to hit the bed. goodnight.

Self-portrait

2011-06-04T17:22:00.002+08:00

"Timing"

2011-06-04T02:25:00.003+08:00

it's 2:25am but i'm yawning already and that is new and weird. i even had my nap in the afternoon and drank two cups of coffee. i want to thank the few people who sent me text messages asking if i'm okay or not. i didn't realize this cobwebbed space of mine still have readers lingering around. that is amazing. thank you! (: hehe. how do you find my deep poetic entry? its like thought porn. i'm going to write random thoughts like that more often here rather than spamming the notes app in my itouch.

i've come to the emotional phase where i blog like a pathetic weak hag for the past few entries. it's funny how my sarcasm reach out to people in the very most queer way. i'm a contradictor that wants to be heard but do not want to say it out. it's tough understanding me yeah? i would end up saying "i'm fine" when someone ask "what is wrong." people needs to know that timing plays a crucial role for someone as crazy and mess-up as i am. sometimes, i feel like saying it out at the most unexpected time, so all you have and need to do is shut up and listen for a while. but sadly, i always choose the wrong time and ended up pissing myself off. what could be better if someone just try to understand me and listen more attentively. i've tried not once or twice but many times tryna tell important bothering stuff but i was either cut off or ignored in the most rude way you can ever possibly imagined. so i decided not to say anything anymore. and lastly, i think you don't really need to know what exactly my problem is. it would help if you just try to cheer me up or help me forget the grey sky. maybe trying to make me laugh or smile for a bit would be good too. this is an alternative, you don't need to know the problem to make someone feels better. thats why i need to meet someone as awesome as i am who don't need manual instructions to make people happy again.

and hey, new information huh! thanks.

Carousel

2011-06-03T22:10:00.002+08:00

I find refuge in the silence of the night. Screaming loudly inside, I shall let it shake my senses up. Curling in the dark room, I'm letting the cold tiles soak up my skin. Animated words float invisibly around me as I pop them away with my finger. Lonesome engulf me like a cuff. I feel the heart beating slowly almost like a footstep of a beggar. Where have everyone gone to? I imagine myself on an old carousel going round and round looking up at the infinity of swimming stars. I'm looking for you this time.

Toute la vie

2011-06-03T02:04:00.002+08:00

i think i'm awesome. i want to meet someone like me. hahaha. it's crazy how i'm able to overlook the mess i'm in and just stay optimistic. i think i need to spread this special vision of mine. right now, i have this mistral fan facing me and my eyes is shutting real soon. there wasn't any lessons today but i head back to school for a group discussion and then on another impulse journey i went to peranakan museum. i need to stop this mindless-walking habit of mine. it's quite an adventure but i look pathetically alone. moreover, when i'm in the museum gallery, i felt like the pictures are talking to me, potraits staring, audio echoing. its kinda eerie but i enjoy it. okay i'm contradicting and should shut up. this is the effect of half-open eyes. mom made coffee for me. i'm drinking my second cup, but this pal of mine isn't working tonight. my job interview yesterday was good. i applied to become camp facilitator and i got the job. it is kind of an ad-hoc/freelance thing so it felt more like volunteering. it's always something i want to do. i remember wanting to do this after my N level but i was too young for this job. this is one of my smaller dreams. when things you always wanted to do finally come, cest' la vie.

wow did i just type french. hahaha. cest' la vie meant "that's life" by the way. it's 2.15am now and i've got class at 9am later. i better turn in by 2.30pm. i realised i feel lonely even when i'm surrounded by noise and people and things. it's this hollow feeling lugging in my heart and i kind of how do i put it, immune? i guess it's because people don't really know who i am. even my closest, longest, good friends. i'm meaning to ask my friends this question, "do you know me?" but i can forsee the answer and it's clear. i think my role here is to be there for people and be a good listener. or maybe i don't trust anyone enough to tell them anything. all the secrets, all the crying at night, all the mindless night-walks. i bet i'll find someone worth in near future. for now, i'll live life as it comes and embrace the now. i'm hyt and i overcome anything. i think i am more manly (physically and emotionally) than most man. hahaha. goodbye! :)

My sister is a beauty and I'm an ogre. :)

2011-06-01T02:15:00.005+08:00

it's been awhile since i stayed up all the way and then head out in the morning. i kind of plan to do that today, like now. stay up all the way until it's time to head out for school. spare me for my pinch of emoness in my previous entry. i am feeling so much better now after watching kungfu panda 2 with my sister! she treat me to MFM too. (: what could be a better healer than food? we had manhattan fish platter for 2 which filled my humongous stomach to the brim. kungfu panda 2 was amazing! (: it's hilarious and i've always love dreamworks animation. kungfu panda taught so much values in life and i really teared at certain parts of the movie. and BTW, i mentioned about part-time job didn't i? i've got three interviews to attend. i kind of skip one today because i really want to go out with my sister. i really need this break. i'm disclosing tomorrow's interview in tomorrow's entry. i got lazy and i don't want to type so much. :)

i'm feeling very optimistic already. that is kind of fast isn't it? i am so good at hiding things and pretending that they are all okay, omg what a talent! hahaha. dad's still not talking to me. we're having this awkward phase and oh wells i don't feel like talking about it cause it's making me sad. ): i'm such a good listener and adviser! I WANT TO MEET SOMEONE AS AWESOME AS I AM CAN! i just learnt the term "best friend" is when you know someone so well and they know you just as much too. and then i've come to a conclusion that i have no such friends because i tell no one anything. i'm just a bowl where people vomit their feelings and problems and thoughts and life and i help them to throw the spits away and pop some mint into their mouth to make them feel fresh again. i've got this lump in my throat everytime i want to tell someone anything. i just felt no one is worth knowing my problems. GOD WTF IS WRONG WITH ME. OK THANKS BYE!

and you should really FUCK OFF.

I'm a mess.

2011-05-31T00:56:00.007+08:00

I spent my weekend at pengerang, living the kampong life. i gave RSAF open house a heavy- hearted miss. i better go for next year's. initially i wanted to join mediacorp's "so you want to be a DJ" competition but after thinking about it, i guess i'm not ready. i bet there's many experience events emcees that join the competition, not that i'm threatened. i'll join if they have this competition in the future, when i am more experience in the media field. i have many tabs open for part-time jobs search right now. i forsee a sad june. i am penniless and its been awhile since i depended on my parents. i kind of feel embarrassed to ask them for money. and i feel that i have no one to talk to. i'm feeling really down and my mind is a mess. FEEL FEEL FEEL, i need to stop feeling. i was really at peace at pengerang. the breeze was great and the scenic view of the greenery was to kill for. i wonder why i was able to put everything aside for a while and then once i get back here, i'm all down to this mess. i skipped school today. i was running late but i woke up at 12.30pm which, if i chose to get up and get ready, i would reach school on time. but instead, i snoozed and gave myself "5 minutes interval" which goes on and on.

i get up at 1.45pm and get ready. walked to lakeside and then i stopped and sat somewhere and stoned. decided to skip school because i felt shitty. :/ on a random note, i am stuck to bella luna and mr. curiosity by jason mraz. when i close my eyes, i can see the gorgeous infinity stars at pengerang and it's gorgeous. i was sitting by the sea listening to the live malay band. and i couldn't stop thinking of one person. i puffed a stick again just now. i'm a mess. :X

you feed and stuffed me with your life.

do you even know anything about me? you don't. you don't.

that's me. :)

2011-05-28T01:11:00.005+08:00

just ate two slices of butter sugary toast because i drool over images of scrumptious food in tumblr. i am fat and growing fatter. (: hello! i donated my blood again yesterday. wow 12 weeks has pass since the last time i donated. i got the blurred-image again playing in front of me. i'm becoming weaker god knows why. Asriq donated for the first time yesterday and wow, this might be the first noble thing he did in life. (hahaha) school was fine today. ideas and critical analysis- something i look forward to but the content is getting drier and we have more essays with more words each lesson. oh well, part of a student life. i might be going to pengerang tomorrow if i can make it. (: no confirmation. i want to go to RSAF open house 2011. i never been to their open house before. haha. i sounded like i lived under the shell in the cave my entire life. it's only 1:18am but it felt like 4am. maybe it's just me. i shall tryna be productive and do some research or revise econs. there doesn't seems to be any drama or movie that i want to watch. :/ oh and BEE TEE DOUBLE YOU i am penniless. really both physically (wallet) and mortally (atm)- P.E.N.N.I.L.E.S.S :( goodnight

Realize.

2011-05-26T01:21:00.002+08:00

the lighting is scary. :/ as much as i love the rain, lighting is really disturbing. i'm alone in my room and i kinda wish my sister is here tonight. rain+lightning+thunder at 1.24am is really frightening. molly is hiding under my bed. and guess what i'm doing? i is being very productive. (: researching on information for my debate project, "media censorship" i was really bored so i summon down to doing my school work. i can't seem to find any movie to watch and i don't feel like tumblring. today, i skipped econs lecture and sleep in. i swear economics and me don't work well. i'll get robbie to teach me what i missed, moreover i can always google for information. they phrase it way simpler than my cheem econ notes. :/ i swear! right now, i'm listening to colbie caillat and lying on bed. i met asriq and gaya for dinner and icecream just now. i feel that my patience is running thin everytime asriq do something stupid like take 174e instead of 174 to island. i had brownies with teh tarik icecream. the luscious, creamy, soft, sweet icecream melt in my mouth and for a while, all heart-troubling stuff seems to melt away too. if i could spend every moment like that, I'LL BE OBESE. met gaya for two consecutive day. so glad we could catch up and just sit laughing at old times. and then i realize we are all so grown up. okay. maybe just me and gaya. (minus asriq) i'm getting back to my research. bye.

Rather Bitter

2011-05-24T23:38:00.004+08:00

today has been a rather melancholy day. i am so used to cooping my feelings inside that telling people has been a chore. moreover, i don't have anyone that i trust enough to tell my feelings. this is tough. i have always been a listening ear and a place where people pour out buckets of their feelings and problem but i can't seem to be able to do the same thing to others. i'm learning.

yesterday i have school fro 2-5pm and then i went to the library to do some research on my assignment. met yingli and gaya at bugis street at about 8pm. it's been sometimes since i met these two ladies. we didn't hang for too long cause i went to meet kacey at about 9pm. we drank vanilla latte that taste like caramel macchiato at the new mall in clementi. the lady who works there was so gorgeous and i had a 30 minute woman crush on her. :) we then head out and walked down bus-99 route. went to grab a burger at the 24hr mcdonalds located somewhere in between tohguan and clementi. it was fun, just the two of us and i realised i'm starting to open up to kacey alot- which is peculiar since i don't usually do but it's a good thing. i'm watching "love of siam" now. a gay love story and i can't keep still!! okay folks, i have school at 9pm tomorrow. have a good night!

SPH Family Day 2011: USS (:

2011-05-23T03:33:00.009+08:00

it's pouring and i'm listening to corinne bailey rae's soothing voice. i had wanton noodle for supper so my short term (craving) goal was fulfilled. yesterday i didn't know where in sentosa i was heading to, well jeng jeng jeng!! I WENT TO UNIVERSAL STUDIO SINGAPORE!! :) its unbelievable. i never thought i would ever step into that place in my current penniless and broke phase! but god is on my side and i have a great aunt who always think of me! huhuhu. my uncle works for Singapore Press Holdings and every year there's a family day which are held at zoo or bird park or botanic, or some huge ass places. but this awesome year i guess their revenue increases, family day 2011 was held in USS. it was not totally free. one entry was $30 and that's more that 50% off the actual entrance fees on regular basis. it was open from 6.30-11.30pm for SPH families and it's amazing because i have rode every single awesome rides in there! (minus all kiddy-spinny rides.)

the surrounding brings my head out of singapore's image (minus the humidity which reminds me of "home") it felt magical especially in "far far away" where shrek and fiona's love story took place. the hollywood streets was beautiful especially at night because it felt all "big apple" NYC. and the band piece "big apple" was playing at the back which remind me of crazy running notes when i played with the NIE main band. Jurassic Park: the lost world was fun with the popular soundtrack playing. me and my cousin were singing/humming it out loud. the egypt: mummies were breathtaking with pharoahs statues decorating them, it felt surreal. we love the indoor roller coaster. that's my second favorite ride after cylon. i was never a fan of sci-fi movies but sci-fi futuristic rides are goddamn thrilling and fun. the whole main attraction of USS is the "battlestar galactica." i took both "cylon" and "human" which is so fun though half the time i was laughing because i got tired of screaming. we took this rides twice and i swear my heart and i was detach the whole time. all my moment captured in the ride photos are of me laughing and covering my mouth. the whole experience was mind-blowing. there's so many cute mascots and cute guys who make characters of theme come alive. i had a ten second crush at the guy who wore the alien costume and go around scaring people. the best part was we don't have to queue for most rides. the longest time we queued was five superb minutes.

i had such a blast (: i love my makbusu family <3

It's a fact.

2011-05-22T03:46:00.007+08:00

i'm lying smack in the middle of my bed, with the duvet messily covering me. i have a thing for noodles these few days. i always crave for them. latest crave- mr. teh tarik's wanton noodle. wishing for rain now. i'm always wishing for the rain to pour so that cold air will seep into my room and engulf me. i slept at 6.30am last morning after revamping and rearranging this space. i shall sleep in early tonight. today was probably the most idle day ever. i woke up at 3pm, ate and then went back to bed. i covered my room window with my other spare blanket to dim and prevent rays of sunlight from coming in. i didn't sleep but just lay idly with my itouch and play games. i went to shower only at 8.30pm. i'm-that-lazy today. and i felt so attach to my bed today and study plans with vanny and shreeya was cancelled so i got lazier. random note, i didn't know i am such an influential figure that can be seen as manipulative as well. oh god. "what are we, what am i" is the question i dying to ask. hmm anyway! i'm heading to sentosa with my aunt and cousin tomorrow. i don't know where exactly in sentosa but yay, i'm heading out. have a good sunday y'all.

Been An Ear

For each and every one else. I’ve always been an ear. Somehow with you since the start and for the first time in my life. I remembered that sometimes it’s perfectly acceptable to be the mouth and to hear the sound of your own voice, shaky as it may be, once again. -- Tyler Knott Gregson.

b.o.r.e.d

2011-05-21T02:51:00.004+08:00

i'm not fangirling over kpop anymore, i've mention it here a gazillion time. i do listen to new released songs of good boy-bands and thats it. if i like it- download and sync into my itouch. and jpop fangirl phase have long been gone. there's no good dramas that i want to watch recently. the only english drama (how i met your mother) that i watch is over. gaaaah. :/ glee is too of a "drama-mama" for me. i tumblr-ed everday but when you've scroll enough, reblogged enough, that's the end. facebook has never been my place. i tweet 8.1 times daily according to tweetdeck who kept a record. i've checked my mail, check the news and yeah. watched a few youtube videos and yeah. i went out to meet asriq, we laughed, we smiled but when i get back home it's all back to these and in short,

I'M B.O.R.E.D!

i seriously need a part-time job but i have not make an effort to find them. i'm done with my last few bucks. i haven't been doing any volunteering work or contributing to the society for more than a month. ): i felt bad. i always wish for rain these days because i just want to curl in and sleep. school is fun except for maybe a few bums in economics because i am never a math-related being, but i'm trying. my horoscopes always mention that i'm a finance, business minded kind of person which totally something that i can't relate. there's a crazy rumours thats spreading, saying that tomorrow is the end of the world/judgement day. my faith is strong. i believe in Allah. HE is the one who will decide when it shall be. no human in any form of genius should be deciding. what utter rubbish is people making up. okay. i'm off to read articles to educate myself. hahaha. chey.